Life of a Civilian
by blue pikmin-chan
Summary: What if the Varia had to get normal jobs? How would they react? Rated t for language
1. Chapter 1

**Hi its blue pikmin-chan! I have always wondered what it would be like if the Varia had to work normal jobs. Sorry if it is a bit ooc. I tried to keep it in character. Anyway, I hope you like it! I don't own KHR**

The Varia had a problem. They didn't have much money. Even going on missions was not enough. They had to go out and get jobs. Everyone wished Mammon was still there. If he had been, none of this would have ever happened. So it started. Every day they picked one name out of the hat and one job. For everyone else, the day was as usual.

It was time to pick the first name. Everyone was hoping it wasn't them. Fran was doing a funny little dance with his fingers crossed. The name came out. It was Belphegor. And the job was teacher. Poor, poor Bel. He was going a funny shade of purple.

**Day 1 Belphegor**

**Job:** Substitute teacher

**9:00 am**

"Okay class, settle down!" said the principal. "Your teacher is sick today so you will have a substitute. YOU WILL BEHAVE! Got that?"

Already a look of glee was spreading across every student's face. They would have a substitute teacher? They could do whatever they wanted! At that moment, their teacher walked in. he was a bit strange… to say the least. He wore a crown and was grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"Ushishishi, I am Belphegor, your teacher for the day" he said. The principal left the room. "What do you normally do this time of day?" he asked.

One of the kids in the back row blew a raspberry at him. A knife landed in the wall, dangerously close to where his head had been. "Don't do that again" Bel said in a dangerously calm voice. The kid was shaking.

"Mr. um Bel is it? We usually have English class now" said a girl in the front row.

"Okay, English it is" said Bel. He was already wishing for the end of the class. "How do you spell annoying little piece of peasant shit?" he asked in a mock serious voice. Half the class was horrified; the other half was looking at him in awe. One of the other girls in the front row, obviously trying to suck up, raised her hand.

"A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G L-I-T-T-L-E P-I-E-C-E O-F P-E-A-S-A-N-T S-H-I-T" she said. This did not impress Bel. He didn't like suck ups.

He ignored it and proceeded to write up some rules on the whiteboard. Rule number 1. Don't annoy the prince, 2. Don't suck up; the prince doesn't like it, 3. ... Of course now was the moment for the marker to run out of ink. He screamed and snapped it in half.

Just then his phone rang. It was Fran. "Hey fake prince senpai! Guessing work isn't going so well." He sounded like he was laughing.

"Why would that be froggie?" he asked, again in that dangerously calm voice.

"Look on YouTube" was the reply he got. Fran hung up. Bel went on one of the computers in the classroom. Fran sent him a message saying 'teacher fail' so that was what he typed in. A video of him swearing and snapping the marker came up.

"Which one of you little shits uploaded this?" he asked, turning scarlet. No-one came forward and that was probably a good thing, considering what would happen if he found out the culprit. The rest of the lesson passed similarly until the recess bell.

Next he was going to teach math. He didn't like this class. They were all annoying peasants. He started the lesson. "Now class, what would I get if I added 5 dead smart-asses to 7 dead smart –asses?" he drew out the equation on the white board, illustrating with a lot of detail. A few members of the class went pale. He really was a pretty good drawer.

"We are in grade 5. Why are you teaching us simple addition?" asked one bold student. Belphegor scowled. He started writing long division on the board. After what seemed like an eternity, he stopped. He must have written at least 100 sums.

"Finish this by lunch" he said, a few of his oddly shaped knives appearing and, with a flick of his wrist, they hit the wall, in a perfect outline of the boy in the back row, texting on his phone.

The exhausted students were heading out the door for lunch when the principal came to check on Bel. "I'm sorry to have dumped this class on you on your very first teaching job. They're quite a handful"

"No kidding" replied Bel. Just then the principal saw how much work the students had done. His jaw practically hit the ground. Even with their regular teacher, they had never done this much work.

"How did you get them to concentrate for this long?" he asked.

"I have my ways "said Bel, a cryptic smile spreading across his face. "After lunch I was thinking about teaching art. We could do some paintings with warm colours". The principal gave him the thumbs up and left the room.

Lunch ended and the students were wandering around in the corridors, looking for their friends and retrieving books from their lockers. As Bel walked through the throng of people, trying to find the art room, there was silence. Then it started. All the teenage girls screamed and mobbed him, asking him out and calling him hot. He ignored them for as long as possible and then grew tired of it so he called Squalo. On the third ring there was an answer.

"VOIIIIIIIII WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING!" Bel put him on speakerphone. People moved away, deafened by the sheer volume.

"I'm trying long haired commander but these annoying girls are in my way!" he yelled hoping Squalo would answer the way he normally did.

"Kill them and get on with it!" Success! The girls moved out of the way and ran to their lockers. He went to the art room and got paint. He also grabbed some other supplies.

"Ushishishi okay class, you worked well so we're going to do some painting". The students noticed most of the paints were in shades of red. This was a little worrying. Bel got a paintbrush and demonstrated. First, he drew the outline of a person in black. Then came the expression of horror. Then, he added the blood, so much blood. In the end it was a picture of a person dying on the ground with their throat ripped out. A lot of the class had gone pale but it was oddly captivating, you couldn't look away. At the bottom, he signed with the name, prince the ripper.

He told the class to paint a picture with bold, warm colours, then sat back at the desk and rested his eyes for a minute. The second he closed his eyes, he got a phone call. It was like Squalo had a built in slacking off sensor. He ignored the call. 45 minutes later he looked at everyone's artwork. There were a lot of autumn tree paintings and a lot of flowers. No-one around here had any imagination. Oh well. It was nearly over. They packed up at the final bell rang. Bel was glad it was over. He collected his wages for the day and headed back to the Varia mansion

**End of day 1**

**Amount of money earned:** $350 (Bel thought he deserved more but it was money and that's what matters)

**Ok so chapter 1 is finally done. How was it? I am open to suggestions as to who the next person and job will be. Anyway please R and R^^ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everybody! Thanks for the reviews! I tried to use your suggestions but I couldn't think of anything then I thought what if Squalo was a male model? (Cue perverted fangirl face now!) Okay I'll try and use your requests next time. Hope it's not ooc but anyway enjoy! Also I don't own KHR **

Again, the time had come to select a Varia member and a job. Bel's name had been removed until everyone else had had a turn. The job was… male model. Everyone froze. They all prayed that it wasn't them. Fran's funny dance returned. Lussuria's reaction was a little… well different. "Please god let it be me!" he yelled.

He got strange looks from everyone. The name was pulled out. It was… Squalo. "VOIIIIIIIIII I'm NOT doing it. No way. Nu-uh." He turned to see Xanxus's X-guns pointed in his direction.

"Oh you'll do it trash. Unless you want to die." His voice was low and menacing. Everyone knew he was serious. Bel started laughing hysterically. He was joined by Fran who had attempted to keep a poker face but it was too hard to resist. Squalo? A male model? This was going to be hilarious.

**Day 2 Squalo**

**Job:** male model

**9:15 am**

Squalo was pissed off. Really, really pissed off. He got in the car and drove to the modeling agency. When he stepped inside, he was assaulted by warm, perfumed air. He coughed. It was painful to breathe. He told the receptionist who he was and why he was here and she led him through a bright pink door into a room full of stylists.

"What the fuck!" he yelled and everyone looked shocked. Already a hairdresser had come up to him and evaluated his hair.

"You have split ends! Your hair is so greasy! Do you ever wash it?" every one of the stylists looked horrified at the mention of split ends. He was led into another room and his hair was washed, and then brushed. The whole process took over an hour. He was well and truly bored by now. If he failed Xanxus would kill him. He had to succeed. They started to trim the split ends off his hair.

"VOIIIIIIIII stop it!" he screamed. "I can't cut my hair! I made a vow!" the styling team ignored him and continued. He got out his sword and threatened to kill all of them. They stopped.

Next came waxing. His arms, legs and even his face were covered in the thick, sticky wax. He didn't know what to expect next. They stuck fabric strips over the wax. Then ripped them off. "FUCK!" he screamed. He didn't care that he was an assassin. That hurt.

After waxing came makeup. They put a heap of random powders and creams that he couldn't name all over his face. Just keep calm. Just keep calm. That was his new mantra. If he snapped and killed all these people he would die.

After about four hours of prep, he was finally ready to go out for a photo shoot. Then he could go home. He put on the first outfit they had laid out for him. It was a casual pair of jeans and a grey stripy tee shirt. He wondered what he needed to do. He walked out and saw a female model. She was actually pretty good looking. They were modeling for a porridge packet and were supposed to look glowing and healthy. Maybe all the wine Squalo had had thrown at him over the years was good for his skin. He hugged the girl like he was supposed to; making sure the hand with the sword was behind his back. They smiled and looked into each other's eyes. She really was pretty.

After the shoot he went up to talk to her. Her name was Alice. She got out a notepad and wrote down her number and gave it to him. Now everything was even more confusing. He hated modeling.

The next shoot was a swimwear line. Squalo gulped loudly. He didn't like swimwear. His outfit was kind of well… skimpy. It was a navy blue pair of bathers. The racing kind. And to make the outfit complete, he had to wear a swimming cap. He wasn't sure how that was going to work. With a lot of help from his prep team, he managed to get on the swimming cap. They even had a fake pool set. They hosed him down and started taking photos. He was really self-conscious. Then in came the girls. So many girls. And all of them were in bikinis. He blushed but managed to calm himself down. He was Squalo, the feared second in command of the Varia, the world's finest independent assassination squad. He didn't blush. EVER. They took lots of photos, most involving him and the models dripping wet. He would DIE if the rest of the Varia saw this. Bel would be jealous. He didn't know about the rest.

He was finally done for the day. He didn't think his nose worked anymore after all the perfumes and stuff the other models wore. He received his pay and went home, tired after a really long day. When he got back, he was laughed at by Bel. That was until he showed him the pictures of him and the girl Alice. Then he showed him the number she gave him. He wasn't being laughed at anymore. Until Bel noticed he had had waxing done. Then he was ridiculed some more. He was going to kill Bel in his sleep sometime very soon.

**End of day 2**

**Amount of money earned:** $800 (hahahahaha he earned more than Bel. Now to gloat about it…)

**Total amount of money:** $1,150

**Sorry if it was kinda strange… I couldn't think of much but anyway hope you like it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone! Okay so thanks to Blockhed13 for this chapter's idea! I can imagine Lussuria as a tattoo artist. Hope you like the chapter. Thanks to all the people who reviewed! Like always I don't own KHR**

It was time. Time to pick the next job. The job was… tattoo artist. The person was… Lussuria. He was pretty happy about this. Then again he was happy with anything that was not unglamorous.

**Day 3 Lussuria **

**Job: **tattoo artist

**10 am**

"Just give them the tattoo they want, okay?" said the shop owner, a huge man covered in tattoos. "I have to go do some other stuff" he continued, leaving the shop. That was a really bad idea. It was like leaving a little boy in a candy shop.

Soon, a costumer arrived. It was a girl, who couldn't have been older than eighteen. She looked through the book of sample images and selected a grinning skull with worms coming out of its eyes.

Lussuria didn't like this much. It didn't suit her look. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a panda on it. She probably wanted to fit in. So he altered it a bit. Okay, a LOT. It was now a panda. He gave her a mirror and showed her.

She smiled. He felt proud of himself. He had stopped her from making a mistake she would've regretted for the rest of her life. She turned around and slapped him. "That's not what I wanted. It's cute but not what I wanted"

He was confused. He thought she liked it. People were unpredictable.

His next costumer was a biker, with a lot of other tattoos. He wanted a demon, dancing in flames. Again, Lussuria's inner fashion queen came out. He wanted to give this guy something unique, something different. He made the demon hold a rose and turned the flames it was dancing in into a rainbow.

He held the mirror to the guy's arm for him to see. The poor guy was turning purple "What is THIS?" he asked, barely keeping himself from exploding with anger.

"It softens your look a bit" said Lussuria. The guy punched him. He really was having a bad day. He resisted the urge to fight back, knowing he would kill the guy.

He decided to just do what they asked, not let his ideas change what they wanted.

His next customer was another teenage girl. She wanted a wolf's head. He actually liked this and it went with her style. He explained the procedure and started. He saw tears come to her eyes. It was understandable, tattoos hurt.

When he was finished, he stopped to admire his handiwork. It was amazing. He showed her. She liked it. Finally someone was happy! Maybe he would get paid after all. She left.

The shopkeeper returned. "I finished my errands" he said, stating the obvious. "How many costumers did you get?" he asked.

"Three" replied Lussuria.

Another costumer came. This would be the last one for the day. It was a boy in his late twenties. He picked out a tattoo and Lussuria started. He casually chatted to the guy. Apparently this guy's girlfriend was the reason he was here. When he had finished, he told the guy he could go. The guy burst into tears. Now Lussuria was confused. Why was this grown man crying like a little girl? He comforted the guy and asked what was wrong

"I never wanted a tattoo!" he yelled "My girlfriend said she would dump me if I didn't get one!"

Lussuria sat down next to the guy. "Honey, listen here, she can't push you around like that" he said "You two should talk about your relationship, if she won't listen to reason, she's not worth your time"

"B-but I love her" said the man. Lussuria sighed. He hated when people let themselves get pushed around.

"Be yourself" he said "If she doesn't like that then she's a bitch. You're a very attractive man, you won't have trouble finding someone else" said Lussuria. The guy started to look at him strangely. He paid and left soon after that. Lussuria thought he had helped so he was happy with his day.

He got paid and went home. Back at the mansion, he bragged about his amazing day, leaving out the parts where he got hit.

"And I helped a guy fix his relationship problems" he said proudly then realised there was nobody there. They had left three- quarters of an hour ago. That was awkward.

**End of day 3**

**Amount of money earned:** $600

**Total: **$1,750

**Sorry it was a short chapter. I can imagine Lussuria giving relationship advice to random people he meets. Hope it was okay! Ideas are welcome! Please R and R**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! Sorry about the long wait! I had a lot of stuff going on. This chapter is using iiShawolKHR's idea of Fran as a babysitter! Thanks for reviewing! Thanks to everyone else who reviewed as well. I'll try to update more frequently. I don't own KHR (Bored of saying this it's sort of obvious anyway)**

Fran's name had been picked from the hat. The job was next. He hoped it would be something easy. Squalo pulled out the name, read it silently, and then started laughing. "What is it?" asked Fran, expecting the worst.

"B-b-b-babysitter!" gasped Squalo, struggling to breathe from laughing so hard. Everyone else started laughing as well. This was not going to be fun.

**Day 4 Fran**

**Job: **babysitter

**6:30 pm**

"We'll be gone until about midnight. Feel free to help yourself to food from the fridge or pantry, the TV remote is on top of the mantelpiece and my number is on the fridge if there's an emergency." The man was about forty years old and he and his wife were going to a dinner party. Fran nodded, silently going over the orders in his head. A boy that looked about six ran out to hug his father goodbye. Then they left for their party.

"What's your name?" asked Fran.

"Eddie," said the little boy. "I'm six. Now I'm a big boy"

"Good for you" said Fran

"What's your name?" asked Eddie

"I am Fran,"

The boy looked him for a while, and then solemnly said "That's a girl's name. Also your hat is stupid."

Fran could have strangled him then and there but he managed to calm himself down. "Are there any more kids?" he asked.

"My sister" was the reply. Fran went upstairs to find her. He saw an adorable little girl. She must have been about eighteen months old. She was holding a fluffy toy rabbit. She pointed to it and said "Peter".

"What's your name?"

She pointed to herself this time and said "Stella" he smiled. Unlike Eddie, she was cute and not annoying (this may have been because she didn't know enough words to criticize his name and his hat but still, he preferred her).

He walked downstairs to the kitchen and saw that there was a note on the fridge: _there is food for Stella in the fridge and if you could make some instant noodles for Eddie, that's their dinner sorted._

Okay so he would just reheat Stella's food first, and then take care of something for Eddie. He opened the fridge and found a plastic container that was labeled Stella so he took it out and microwaved it until it was warm, but not too hot. He took it to the table and called Stella. She came crawling to him and he lifted her up and put her in her high chair.

He got a spoonful of whatever it was and lifted it up to her mouth. She shook her head and clamped her mouth shut. He sighed. Why did life have to be so difficult? He had an idea. "Here comes the airplane!" he said moving the spoon closer to her mouth. She still refused to eat.

He was thinking of ways to make her eat when he saw Eddie trying to poke a piece of wire into the power point. "No!" he yelled, unable to keep the fear from his voice. If this kid died, he wouldn't get paid then Xanxus would not be happy. He dived towards the small boy and grabbed the piece of wire. He then turned his attention back to feeding Stella.

He had a good idea. He asked her what her favorite food was. "Ice cream!" she said with a smile on her face.

"I'll go throw away this yucky food and get you some ice cream then" he said, his voice showing no emotion. He felt like he could strangle her right now but it wasn't like she could tell. He wondered what their reactions would be if they discovered he was an assassin. Oblivious to his annoyance, she clapped in joy.

He went into the kitchen and used an illusion to make her think her food was ice cream. He then took it back to her and she ate it. Finally! Maybe this wasn't so bad after all. He went into the kitchen and saw Eddie throwing eggs at the fridge. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he yelled.

The small boy shrugged "I was bored" Fran really hated this kid. He boiled the kettle and poured hot water on to the noodles and waited two minutes. He gave them to Eddie, cleaned up the mess and sat down on the couch to watch TV.

Five minutes later, the small boy was finished and sat next to him. He grabbed the remote and changed the channel to cartoons. "Hey I was watching that!" he said getting really annoyed now.

"Well now I'm watching this so go away" Fran glared at him. He went to put Stella to bed. When he returned, he told Eddie he had ten minutes to brush his teeth and go to bed. The boy complained and whined but Fran had put his foot down. He wasn't going to take crap from a six year old.

He tucked him in and was leaving the room when he heard the little boy's voice "Fran, will you read me a bedtime story?" he sounded so cute and innocent compared to before that he had to say yes.

"Okay listen carefully, I'm only going to tell this once. There was once a little boy who was really poor and had to sell the family cow. On the way, he met an old man who said he'd buy the cow for some magic beans. The boy knew it was a rip off so he said no and continued on his way to the market and sold the cow for some money. They lived happily ever after. The end." Fran said. He had told the whole story in his usual monotone.

"That sucked!" yelled Eddie.

"No it didn't! You suck" yelled back Fran.

"You didn't even tell it right!"

"YES I DID!"

"NO YOU DIDN'T! MY TEACHER TELLS IT RIGHT! HE SELLS THE COW TO THE OLD MAN AND GROWS THE MAGIC BEANS!"

Fran gave up. It was pointless. He had told it wrong because he was too lazy to tell the whole story so he shortened it a bit. But he didn't want to be beaten by a six year old.

He went back downstairs and watched TV then got up and went through their pantry. He found a pack of chips and ate them. When the people got home from their dinner party, he was asleep on the couch. They woke him up to pay him.

"So was Eddie's behavior okay?" the man asked

"Apart from trying to stick wire into the power points, throwing eggs at the fridge and insulting my hat it was okay I guess."

"Sorry about that. He can be quite a handful." Fran laughed. A handful was an understatement. He collected his money and left.

He got home at one in the morning. Lussuria was still awake. He had been waiting for him to come back. "So how was it Fran?"

"I never want to see another child as long as I live!"

Fran gave Lussuria the money and went to bed.

**End of day 4**

**Money earned: **$90 (he deserved more after all he went through)

**Total money: $1840**

**Finally the next chapter is done! Hope it was okay and not too ooc! Like always please R and R! Bye!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! Thanks for reviewing I've had a few requests for Xanxus as a bartender so here it is (thanks lolipopsong and Devil-Queen-Wolf-666) anyway enjoy!**

Oh crap. This was going to be bad. Xanxus's name had just been pulled out of the hat. They were going to die. They drew straws to figure out who the lucky person to tell him would be. Fran got the short straw. Now he was starting to panic. What would he say?

He was lucky. He walked into Xanxus's room and he was too drunk to even tell where he was. "U-um Xanxus? You have been selected to do the job tomorrow" he said, trying to stop shaking. Xanxus grunted and passed out. Fran took that as a yes and left, relieved that he was still alive.

The next morning, an extremely hung-over Xanxus was informed he had agreed to work as a bartender for the day.

**Day 5 Xanxus**

**Job:** bartender

**6:00 pm**

Xanxus was in a foul mood. He was hung-over, tired and pissed off. Why him? Why did he have to do this?

His first customer came up to him. "Gimme a beer!" he said slurring a little, obviously drunk. Xanxus handed it over. The guy went off to drink it.

His supervisor, a short, plump man, came over and started yelling at him "Hey! He was drunk! You can't serve alcohol to people that are already drunk!" He glared at the man. Most people would have backed off but this guy was either very brave, or very stupid. Possibly a little of both.

"You have to be nice to people. If they like you, they might leave a tip." Xanxus didn't really care about tips.

**At the Varia mansion**

"I wonder how Xanxus is doing" said Levi.

"He's probably in a really bad mood" said Lussuria

"Let's go cheer up boss then!" Levi exclaimed. Everyone looked at him like he was insane.

"Ushishishi the prince wouldn't mind a drink" said Bel.

They got in the car and drove to the bar Xanxus was working at.

**Back at the bar again**

Ugh. Xanxus hated work that didn't involve killing people. This had been going on for hours. An idiotic drunk person would come up, order a beer or something then leave. It was mind numbingly boring. He needed a drink himself. He started to pour one and his supervisor got really pissed off.

"You can't drink on the job!" Xanxus had the urge to shoot him. "We have more customers coming in now.

Oh come on. He couldn't catch a break today. It was the stupid trash. Fran walked up, looking very serious, and asked in his usual monotone "How's work today?" Xanxus went purple.

"GO AWAY!" he whispered, trying to be as threatening as he could without his stupid supervisor overhearing.

"Ushishishi, give the prince a beer, stupid peasant." Xanxus pulled out his x-guns. His supervisor walked up and served everyone drinks. He glared at Xanxus.

"The customers are EVERYTHING. Got that? It doesn't matter if they annoy you. You serve them. Or you're fired." Everyone stared, wondering if Xanxus was going to snap. He nearly did. Somehow, he managed to compose himself. He put the guns away.

They suddenly noticed something horrifying. Squalo was dancing. DANCING! Lussuria walked up to him, avoided the sword and hauled the drunken man away. He complained the whole time. Lussuria marched all of them out the door, obviously embarrassed at being seen with Squalo.

On the way home, all they could talk about was how much fun it was to piss off Xanxus when he couldn't do a thing about it. They were probably going to die when he got home but it was worth it.

Back at the bar, Xanxus wished for death (other people's death but details don't matter) he was bored out of his mind. He wondered how long it would be until he could kill his supervisor. He was the most annoying man Xanxus knew and he knew Levi.

A teenager came up to him and asked for beer. "I need your ID" said Xanxus, not really caring what age the stupid kid was. He saw the supervisor watching him nodding slightly, the kid handed him an obviously fake ID. "So you're called John Smith?" the kid nodded. This was hilarious. The kid actually thought he was getting away with it.

He told the kid he couldn't have any beer and was sworn at. The kid left. "Good job handling that!" said the supervisor. "You're getting the hang of this."

After a few more customers came and went, the day from hell was finally over. He got paid and turned to leave. His supervisor came up to him, put a hand on his shoulder, and said "Good job today. It was a tough day for a newbie."

Xanxus pulled out his x-guns again. He was going to enjoy this. He shot the stupid supervisor. "Oh yeah, I have two things to tell you scum. Don't touch me and don't call me newbie. Got that?" the dying man lay there gasping, lying in a pool of his own blood. Xanxus smiled. This job wasn't so bad after all.

**End of Day 5**

**Money earned:** $300

**Total: **$2140

**Sorry about the random ending. I will update the other stuff when I can but next week I have two exams, a test and two assignments so it could be a while. Also I had extreme writers block. Anyway bye! (as usual please R&R!)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! I wasn't going to update this but I needed a break from exam study. Seriously I swear my head is going to explode if I study anymore. But, on the bright side, only 1 exam left! Anyway, I have plans for the next few chapters but that may change and I am always open to ideas. I don't own KHR and enjoy!**

Levi knew it. It was going to be him. He was the only one who hadn't had a turn. The job was pulled out first. It was pool lifeguard. Crap. But he had to do it for Xanxus. His name was pulled out. They didn't really have to bother, considering it was the last name left but Lussuria had a thing for theatricality.

**Day 6 Levi**

**Job:** Pool lifeguard

**10:00 am**

The manager arrived at the pool to open up. A strange man with a heap of piercings was standing outside the door. He looked threatening. "W-who are you?" he asked a bit afraid of this strange man.

"I'm Levi-a-Than. I'm new here. It's my first day."

"How long have you been here?" the manager asked, hoping he hadn't been standing out in the cold for a long time.

"Since 6 this morning," replied Levi

The manager's eyes nearly popped out of his head. This guy was insane. He quickly opened the door, went inside and rustled through a cupboard. He emerged a few minutes later with a uniform. "Put this on and get ready. The pool opens in twenty minutes.

Levi went into the change rooms and changed into his outfit. It was a pale blue pair of shorts and a blue and yellow shirt. He also got a walkie talkie. He left the change rooms.

He saw some other people wearing the same uniform as him. They were standing in the corner arguing about something. He walked over. As he got closer he heard whispers of "Make the new guy do it!" What was 'It'? He was a little worried. A guy walked up to him. "You're on waterslide duty first!" he said. It sounded like he was saying "Tag! You're it!" waterslide duty didn't sound so bad. Why did this man hate it?

As kids and adults of all ages started arriving, he realised what was so bad about waterslide duty. The mind- numbing boredom. He had to sit there at the top of the stairs to the waterslides checking when a kid had left so the next one could go. He had to do this for Xanxus. Maybe if he did a good enough job the boss would finally look up to him.

A kid came up that was not tall enough to ride. "Wait! You there!" he called to the kid. "You're not tall enough to ride." The kid started crying. He started to think "What would Xanxus do?" then realised that was a really, really, really bad idea. He sent the kid back down and continued working.

After a while, it was time for his first break. He went down the street to buy coffee. When he returned, he saw the others had made him a schedule. He had done waterslide duty. Now he had to run a party. That was not going to be fun.

"Remember to be happy! It's a birthday. Don't scowl like you were doing before" the guy from before said to him, obviously taking great joy in pushing around the newest member of staff.

Levi smiled. "Oh god no!" he yelled. "That face will cause nightmares! Just don't look like you want to kill them! Ok?" Levi nodded.

First, he had to welcome the kids. "Okay everyone. We are here to celebrate Michael's 10th birthday. First, we will play some games, then go on the waterslides, eat, then have some free time."

The kids started celebrating. He set up the games and they were having fun until one kid splashed him. "Hey!" he yelled getting annoyed. He didn't like water. It didn't mix with electricity. He bent over to splash the kid back. To his surprise, the kid grabbed his arm and pulled him in. Now he was pissed off.

He was about to kill the kid when he remembered he was going to do this job well so Xanxus would look up to him. He took a few deep breaths, and then got out of the pool.

The kid made a shocked face. "I just realised something!" he yelled. "You must be a robot!" This kid reminded Levi a lot of Fran when he was younger.

"Okay that's it for games" he said, completely ignoring the annoying kid. He then realised that would only make him seem more like a robot. Wait a minute… why did he even care what the kid thought?

He got all the kids to line up and pick a slide. They could either go alone or with a friend. Most went with their friends. Again, it was the mind numbingly boring waterslide duty. He hated this job.

Finally, it was time for food. He hoped it would shut them up. Unfortunately, it was too much to hope for. They started a food fight. He managed to break it up. They went off to swim leaving him to clean up the gigantic mess they had made. He really wanted to strangle them.

After they had all left he watched over the people in the pool for a while then it was over. The day from hell was finally over.

He got paid and left.

When he got back, everyone was eating pizza. Xanxus had put steak on his pizza. Levi thought this was an interesting choice- considering it was meat lover's pizza anyway but hey, he was not one to judge Xanxus. The man was practically a god. At killing people anyway. There were other things (like table manners for instance) that Xanxus seriously lacked. He gave them the money and went to bed. He was exhausted.

**End of day 6**

**Money earned: **$250 (it was supposed to be less but his boss slipped him a little extra for handling the party well)

**Total: **$2390

**Hope you liked it. I'm halfway through the new chapter of Fran and the cat and I will post it soon. Like always, please R and R!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! Okay so I have some ideas and need opinions. I could either continue this, do a Vongola 10****th**** gen. version or do both. Let me know what you think! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi! Sorry about the long update. It's finally holidays! I'll try to update more over these 2 weeks. My friend llama/scary perverted yaoi freak made me use this idea. Anyway, enjoy! I don't own khr.**

The six days of torture were finally over. They were celebrating. Then Bel had a thought. He turned pale and started searching. Everyone stopped having fun and stared at him. They all assumed he must be going crazy. "We've lost Lussuria!" he yelled. It all made sense. The reason he looked terrified. The frantic searching. He was looking for their savings. They were gone.

When Lussuria returned with a ton of shopping bags he was greeted by the whole Varia sitting on the couch in silence. He wondered how long they had been sitting there. It was usually impossible to get them in the same room without them fighting. "Explain. Now." said Xanxus in a very calm but dangerous voice.

Lussuria gulped. "Well I decided I needed a reward. It's not easy being the mother of the group."

"You chose to be the mother!" yelled Squalo.

"Looks like we have to do jobs again." Fran said in his bored monotone.

Bel groaned. Then they all proceeded to kill or at least seriously injure Lussuria.

They got out the hat and put a new list of jobs and names inside. They realised that they had to remove Lussuria's name. There was no way he was going to be able to work or even move for quite a while.

First up was Squalo. He complained. When he heard the job, he complained even more. It was maid. Everyone suddenly got the mental image of Squalo in a maid outfit with a feather duster. Then realised it would be more like Squalo breaking stuff. They were mildly worried that this job would end up in them owing money. Frankly they were kind of surprised that hadn't happened yet.

**Day 7 Squalo**

**Job: **maid

**10:00 am**

As he walked into the driveway of the house he was supposed to clean, the first thing he noticed was that these people were rich. They had a two story house. That meant more to clean. Dammit. Why him? Couldn't it have been Levi?

He knocked on the door. A surly teenage boy opened the door then walked back upstairs into his room. Squalo started to vacuum. An hour later, he had still only finished one room. How the hell was he going to finish cleaning this whole house? He was really tired. Cleaning was hard work. Finally he finished the first floor.

He walked upstairs. There was loud music coming from one of the rooms. He opened it. There was a girl inside dancing and singing. She turned around and saw him. He couldn't how loud one person could scream. She attempted to throw something at him but he easily avoided it. It actually would've been pretty pathetic if he hadn't. He was an assassin and she was a teenage girl.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?" she screamed at him.

"Cleaning." He replied holding up the vacuum cleaner.

"So you just walk in? What if I'd been getting changed?"

Squalo shrugged. He hadn't thought of that.

She walked up and punched him. "VOIIIIII! What the HELL was that for?" he said waving his sword.

She screamed again. A scary man walking into her room with a sword? Anyone would've been scared.

He got sick of fighting with a teenager and left to clean somewhere else. He would come back later. He was dusting in the kitchen when he heard the boy leaving his room. It was definitely him. If it was the girl the music would have stopped. Unfortunately it hadn't. It was still giving him a headache.

He decided to go clean the room while he could. He slowly opened the door and nearly passed out from the smell alone. IT WAS WORSE THAN BEL'S ROOM! He couldn't even see the floor. There were dirty clothes everywhere. There was a stack of dirty dishes on the desk. The only thing that wasn't filthy was the laptop. There was a neat little circle where there was no dust or dirt.

This was going to take a while. He started by picking up all the dirty clothes and putting them in the washing machine. That by itself took nearly an hour. Then he picked up and threw out the rubbish. He carried the stack of dirty dishes to the dishwasher and turned it on. Then he started vacuuming. It was extremely tiring and he was almost tempted to quit but he would never do that. He was too stubborn.

The boy finally came back from wherever he had been. His jaw practically hit the ground. No-one had ever cleaned his room this well. He was the reason most of the previous cleaners quit. Most avoided it but one other had managed. He had a nervous breakdown afterwards.

Squalo was tired but incredibly proud of himself. He had done it! Now he only had one more room. He walked into the girl's room. This time she really was getting changed. She screamed at the top of her lungs and started hitting him. He was bright red. He wasn't even trying to defend himself. He was just standing there like he was frozen.

It took him a full ten minutes to calm down and work again. He realised that she had shut the door again. He had been standing there staring at a door. He was so embarrassed he was tempted to run but he had a job and he was going to finish it. He waited a few minutes, and then knocked again. The door opened.

Squalo couldn't look her in the eyes. He was still bright red. She started to make awkward small talk. "So how much of the house have you cleaned?"

"All of it." He replied staring at the ground.

"E-even my brothers room?" she asked

He nodded. "This is the last room. Then I can go home."

"Do you live with anyone?" she asked. He listed everyone. "Wow. That's a lot of people. Why are you doing jobs anyway?" she asked. He explained the whole situation. "I would've killed Lussuria as well." He smiled.

He still couldn't look at her but she didn't seem so annoying.

"That's a cool sword. Are you good?"

"I'm the sword emperor!"

She stared at him for a while. He waited, expecting a compliment. "You know, if your hair was shorter, you'd actually be pretty hot."

Not quite the compliment he'd expected. "I'm thirty-two." He said

She got up and left the room. His plan worked! With no distractions, he finished quickly. He got paid and went home.

When he got home, he was greeted by a grinning Belphegor. "Ushishishi when you were gone, the prince realised something. While Lussuria is recovering, he won't be able to do the housework. The prince realised there was only one person who could take over the job." He smiled creepily at poor Squalo.

Squalo pushed past Bel and went to take a shower. He was covered from head to toe in dust and dirt. When he was clean, he went to sleep. Bel could do the housework. Maybe.

**End of day 7**

**Amount earned: $400**

**Total: $410 (Lussuria left them $10)**

**How was it? I hope there weren't too many grammar mistakes. Anyway, please R&R. (p.s I'm so happy! I found a heap of shinee songs I never got round to putting on my iPod so I was listening to them while writing this!)**


	9. Chapter 9

**It's been a while hasn't it. I'm really sorry for taking so long to update. I was lazy and I had writers block. I hope this chapter is okay! I don't own KHR**

The entire Varia was exhausted. They had just been on a week-long mission. Fran was asleep standing up. Squalo was sorely tempted to scream in the younger assassin's ear but that would also wake up Xanxus which would end very, very badly. He got out the hat full of jobs. He selected a job and cracked up laughing. He was so incredibly glad he did last week's job. "VOIIIII FRAN WAKE THE HELL UP!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Wha-what is it long haired commander?"

"YOU'RE IT,"

Fran groaned. There was a noise behind them. They turned around to see Xanxus grunting. It was time to leave. Now.

**Day 8 Fran**

**Job: netball coach**

**4:30 pm**

Fran stood at the netball courts. He couldn't believe he'd been stuck with this. Soon, the netball team would arrive. He didn't even know the rules of netball. He'd looked it up but he still had no clue.

A girl arrived. "So you're our new netball coach?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Yep," he replied in a flat monotone.

"What's with the hat?" she asked.

"It's my pride and joy."

A couple more girls arrived together, laughing and talking about school or some equally insignificant matter. He saw one of them point at his hat. "Run two laps of the court," he said interrupting their conversation.

They groaned and started running. After they had all finished, he told them to pass the ball back and forth and was told he was boring. Frankly, he was a little offended by that.

"Run two more laps."

One of the girls stuck out her tongue at him. "Three laps," he muttered. She groaned.

A loud noise startled him. His phone was ringing. It was Bel. He picked it up. "What is it senpai?" he asked flatly. He hadn't noticed the entire team had crowded around to eavesdrop.

"Ushishishi. You suck as a coach."

"You're here?"

"Look outside the gates."

He looked up. There he was. He entered and Fran hung up the phone. "W-what the hell are you doing here?"

"Watching you fail. It's better than being back at the mansion. Xanxus is breaking stuff."

One of the girls interrupted. "You live in a mansion?"

Fran shrugged. "It's no big deal."

"Ushishishi, Froggie is right."

After a little more talking, they decided to get back to training. "Practise shooting," instructed Fran. The girls lined up next to the netball hoop and started to shoot goals. Every time someone missed, Bel threw a knife so it would narrowly miss them. "Senpai," whined Fran, "Stop torturing them."

"Ushishishi, no. This is fun. And look they're not missing shots anymore."

Fran looked at the girls. They were pale and shaking but they were getting goals. He still didn't like it. "Go away."

"No," said Bel in a sing-song voice, "The prince doesn't feel like it."

Damn him. Fran really hated the stupid fake-prince. First the stupid frog hat and now this. Well… he _had _grown to like the hat but still! Torturing innocent people was not right. He had an idea.

"I'll call Squalo. He'll be very interested to know why you're disturbing my work,"

Bel froze. "You wouldn't," he whispered.

"Oh but I would," said Fran, standing his ground. Bel left pretty quickly after that and the training session continued. Fran had an idea. He may not have known the rules to netball but he did have a flawless strategy he applied to everything in life. If you're annoying enough, you can beat anyone.

"Listen. We are going to win this game. When is it?" he asked.

"Saturday," replied one of the girls.

"Okay. On Saturday you will use my flawless strategy."

One of the girls asked him what exactly his 'flawless' strategy was. He stood up and puffed out his chest. "Be annoying."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," called out a girl he hadn't noticed before. "You suck,"

He looked closer. The rest of the team were looking at her like they didn't know who the hell she was. He realised she was wearing a wig. Wait a minute… was that Bel?

"Fake-prince senpai, why the hell are you wearing that ridiculous disguise?"

"One, The prince is not fake," he said, throwing a knife, "And two, How did you see through the prince's ingenious disguise?"

The team started laughing. He couldn't blame them. It was pretty funny. Bel had taken it a little too far. He was even wearing a dress. "Go away Bel," He said firmly. Bel was still a kid at heart. He had leart he needed to be firm with him.

"I don't wanna," He whined.

"I'll call Squalo."

"Fine then, be a mean Froggie," muttered Bel, sticking out his tongue and going off into a corner to sulk.

"Let's continue," said Fran, getting their attention. He spent the remainder of the training session teaching them the basics of annoyingness.

After training, he said goodbye to all of them and they left one-by-one. One girl was still there when it started raining. "Is your mum coming?" he asked her.

"No," she replied. He saw she was crying. "Now I have to walk home in the rain," she said in between sobs.

He felt sorry for her. "Do you want a lift?" he asked her gently. She nodded.

In the car, they made awkward small talk. Finally, they got to her house. They walked up to the front door and knocked. Her mum opened the door. She saw Fran and her daughter. Behind them, she saw one of the Varia's many, many cars. This one was a shiny, black Ferrari. It had the Varia logo on the front and back.

She must have seen it, because she freaked out and hugged her daughter close. "Get out of my house," she said in a low voice.

Fran attempted to explain but was attacked by a broom. He ended up having to run away from the insane, broom-wielding woman.

By the time he got home, bruises were already beginning to form on his delicate skin. He hated his life. Squalo was laughing about Fran getting a crappy job. He decided to give him something else to laugh about. He got out his mobile phone and showed Squalo the picture he had taken of Bel in a dress and wig.

Squalo was rolling on the floor laughing so hard he looked like he was having a seizure. Fran took a video to use for future blackmail. Life was good. Now he had dirt on all the Varia. Perfect.

A few days later he got his money in the mail. Two crisp fifty dollar notes. He was sorely tempted to put one aside for later but Squalo would find out. Then he remembered the video he had just taken and tucked one in his pocket.

**End of day 8**

**Amount earned: **$50

**Total**: $460

**Extra: **At the netball game.

Fran arrived at the game. His team was losing. He cheered for them and yelled out "Remember, be annoying!" They saw him and started playing properly. One of them, the one who had insulted his hat, was being so annoying her opponent stopped, screamed, and then started ripping out her own hair. They were doing great.

It wasn't enough. They were still losing. He did a little work with illusions so they won. Afterwards, They had a group hug. He was pretty satisfied. He had coached them well.

He felt a tap on the shoulder and turned around to see the broom lady. She'd brought the broom to a netball game.

The rest of the Varia were sitting far enough away so she couldn't see them, sitting in folding chairs eating popcorn. Best entertainment ever.

**How was it? I had fun writing this. It's good to finally update. A couple other things, me and Mr Snoooooooooodles started a roleplay thingy on tumblr so if you have tumblr and like roleplaying, please join us. Seriously. We have like two people right now. URL is . and I'm obsessively fangirling right now because I bought a SHINee album and an FT ISLAND one! Yay! My two favourite bands! I should go now, I'm rambling. If you have any requests, I will try and do them. Ideas are good. Anyway, bye and I'll try and update soon.**


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